Huzzah, bitches!

What I'm Listening To: Big in Japan by Alphaville

I have a confession. Up until yesterday, I'd never been to the Ren Faire. Yes, we've driven by it like a million times, and I'm guilty of making a ton of jokes about twelve-sided dice people, as I call the individuals who reaaaaaally get into it, so to speak, but I'd never ventured inside.

So yesterday I did it. I broke my Ren Faire cherry. And it was AWESOME!!!! I can't believe I'm saying this, because honestly I thought it would be like that place "Apple Holler" on the freeway, but probably with a lot more costumes, but seriously it was super fantastic fun. Okay, being kinda wasted the whole day helped A LOT, and eating every greasy deep-fried food in sight also was a bonus, but that's not what made it a fun day. I'll back up here, and start from the beginning.

We were somewhat concerned about the weather on Saturday, because it was about 30% chance of thunderstorms, but no matter if it rained or not it was super humid. So we chanced it and decided to go.

We drive up there, pay the almost $20 apiece for the tickets (I guess you can buy them cheaper online, but of course we didn't get around to doing that before we left) and walk in. I have to admit, I was really kinda nervous. Everyone was either a biker, somebody in a costume, or a kid. Of course, we headed right for the beer stalls, duh. I needed something to help me "get in the spirit of things" so to speak. We watched this "mud" show, which involved a lot of cheering, kinda like a football game, and you know how I feel about sports...boring. This is after one hard cider. I'm looking around the grounds, and it seems kinda small, so I'm like, this is it? Where's the jousting? I think the pseudo-queen walked by, but I was so self-conscious that I just gulped my drink and kept my head down. Kinda thinking to myself....NEXT!

Next we see this other area, and so we walked over this big pond on this very narrow and very long bridge to the rest of the grounds. I didn't even KNOW there was a rest of the grounds. I think it's like 20 acres or so, give or take a bit. It's all these winding dirt paths and "Ye Olde This" and "Privies" and all the staff have outfits on and lots of this huzzah-ing -- it kinda gives you a headache after a little bit. Must admit, the drinks help with the huzzahs -- and then the people with the elf ears or the tied-on pair of satyr horns start looking somewhat normal.

At this point we're hungry, and there are food stands galore. None of them serving anything remotely healthy, duh. Jim gets a turkey leg. We were with another couple -- Dan and Anne --and Dan got a turkey leg too. Must be a dude thing. Anne and I split a calzone.

Here's how the rest of the day goes: Walk, drink, pee, eat, walk, walk, watch the jousting and cheer like a drunken maniac and Anne gets to put ribbons on one of the jouster's lances - yeah, just like that, ya perv!, pee, drink, look at freaky sterling silver jewelry, eat, walk, look at candles and blown glass fairies, pee, walk, make jokes about eating "dragon dicks" while we eat a bagel dog, walk, drink, walk, Anne gets hit on by like every other Ren Faire worker, walk, smell some sexy colognes, drink, pee, buy huge stack of "butterfly potatoes" with cheese, get cheese on my favorite top and also on my pants, giggle hysterically and keep saying "chip it up, bitch!", drink, walk, get my palm read, pee, walk, walk, leave.

I had the best time ever. I seriously mean it. You know, it's pretty rare that I have an unabashedly good time. Usually, I'm like, "eh, that was pretty fun, except for the fact that my feet hurt" or "that was okay, for a wedding". But I have to tell you, I would highly recommend going to Ren Faire. And if you can, ask Anne and Dan to go with you -- they are awesome!! :)

Have you been to Ren Faire? Whadja think?