Why don't you just dye already??

What I'm Listening To: Cold Water Music by Aim

See the cute family photo above? Yes, I think that's the last time I saw my natural hair color. I think I was 8 years old. No kidding. I even had to lighten the picture a little so I could remember what my original hair color that was. Muddy, dirty, mousy....BROWN. Arrrrgggh!

Ever since then I've been on a rampage to find the perfect shade of hair color that will, as the magazines all say, "make my face light up!" Just so you know, lit-up faces only happen on jack 0'lanterns, not on human beings, so all you ladies out there on the same search can call it quits now.

It started off small. In high school, I decided to be a little bold and get some subtle highlights in my spiral perm (shut up, it was the '80s. Not having a spiral perm at the time was pretty much tantamount to social suicide at Waukesha North, 'kay?) I told my hairdresser to stay SUBTLE, and she obeyed. So I come home from the JC Penneys salon and my mom was like, "I thought you got highlights!?" and I'm all like, "Uh, I did!! See?" as I dig out a couple gold strands. Well, I'll admit it, my new highlights were even hard for me to see. But I had highlights -- weren't they supposed to look natural? My mom was all like "I spent hard-earned money for the natural look?? How do I know you didn't go spend that money on something else, like clothes?" Okay, this conversation leads us to another totally different blog about my relationship with my mom, so I'll basically wrap this up by saying I never got highlights again while living at home.

My next hair debacle was during my early college years. Upon arriving at Beloit, I decided that chopping off my golden brown locks into a Louise Brooks bob was a hot look, and then to top it off, dye the whole shebang dark cherry red with a dye that I mixed myself from Sally Beauty Supply products. Yeah, it was foxy, for sure. Well, it was the early 90s, for cripes sake. Just watch "Saved by the Bell: The College Years" if you don't believe how hip and trendy I was with my cherry cola hair. I'd insert an old college photo here to prove it, but Blogger is not playing nice with me today and won't let me insert a photo in the middle of my blog, so that sucks.

Oh, and I recommend DO NOT mix your own haircolor. It is a pain in the ass, and you aren't even getting paid to do it like your stylist is, so stick to Salon Walgreens, as I will later reveal as my personal haircoloring secret.

So I kept the cherry red bob for quite a while, but then later in college I started growing my hair out, and by the time I left college to move to San Francisco my hair reached the middle of my back. After it got so long, I couldn't seem to mix the right amounts of hair color, so I was a Salon Walgreens convert from that day forward -- forget the whole Dr. Frankenstein mixing lab and color cooking in my bathroom. Pre-mixed hair color is where it's at, people! As we all know, I am lazy and impatient, and kinda a cheapskate when it comes to spending money on myself, so $7 for a box of haircolor that I can do in the shower is a total steal!!

My hair coloring odessey began with auburns and light auburns, dark auburns (too cherry for this budding professional receptionist!), and then finally I got sick of red all together. After almost 15 years of dying my hair some form of red, I decided that I was done. By now was 2004 and I'd had enough of being eclectic and funky. I just wanted to have my old brown hair back!!

Can I just tell you? FORGET IT. My hair was NOT going to forgive me for all the years of torture. "You want whaaa? To go back to my original shade?" I can imagine my hair screaming (okay, if hair could talk. I don't think it can, though, but sometimes I'm not sure) "Are you effing KIDDING ME? We don't even remember what that shade is, dahling!" So like knights chasing the holy grail, I am still searching for the perfect hair color shade that will return my hair to the color nature gave me.

I've tried "Brown", "Light Brown", "Golden Brown" and even "Ash Brown". I've tried Nice n' Easy, L'Oreal, Feria, and Garnier. It's impossible. Nothing works to bring me back to the land of plain ol' brown. Well, the color's not horrible, like my hair turns green or anything. But it's always RED in the end. Some shade or glow or highlight or undertone of red always shines through in my haircolor. I could never get a dirty brown again if my life depended on it. But I'll never stop trying!! I might even shave my head to get back to my natural color. Uh, on second thought, that would be a no. I am waaaay too vain for drastic measures. :)

Have you ever dyed your hair? What made you do it? Do you love it, or are you now a slave to the 6-8 week routine? Join the club, sista!