I have a peeve, and it's not my pet

What I'm Listening To: Pretty Green by The Jam

Question: What is the point of basting shut a jacket or overcoat's back vents? No one seems to know that this basting thread should be removed before wearing a new garment.

Answer: To annoy the bejeezus out of me, Abigail Reagan.

You know, there are some things in this world that just make you roll your eyes and utter "Eegaads!" For me, I'm set off by seeing someone wearing a jacket with its back or side vents still held together by the original manufacturer's basting thread.

Okay, so here goes (cover your ears if you want):

HELLO, PEOPLE. WHEN YOU BUY A NEW JACKET, AND IT HAS VENTS ON IT, SOMETIMES THEY ARE BASTED TOGETHER BY THE MANUFACTURER TO AID IN SHIPPING. CHECK THE VENTS BEFORE YOU WEAR IT, AND IF NECESSARY, SNIP THE EFFING THREADS, YA ASSES!!!!!

Ahh, that felt better.

I cannot TELL you how many times I have seen this in out in the wilds of Wisconsin. I have seen it on women, on men, on people who are fashion-conscious and should know better, on people who should know worse, and so on and so forth. I went to a big charity event a couple months back, and the guest of honor was wearing her vent stitches like they were the latest style. How embarressing. It was kinda funny, since she was acting like the sun shone out of her ass, so I didn't bother pointing it out. Ha!

Well, one time I did point it out to a total stranger. Shut up, I couldn't help myself!!! I saw this woman on the escalator at Macy's with her overcoat's back vent still sewn shut. So I tapped her on the shoulder and I'm like, "Okay, I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything here (this approach always works when you have bad personal news, trust me) but your vent of your jacket is still held together with the shipping stitch. You should get that cut off so the vent is open, like it's supposed to be." And she was all, "Thanks!" but in a nice, appreciative way. No kidding. So I guess I get an extra couple minutes in heaven for being so helpful, huh? Yeah, right!!

So what can one do besides have a personal conniption fit as they internally debate whether to mention to a total stranger that they are committing a minor fashion faux pas? I think that maybe this situation could be cut off at the pass by proactive salespeople. When you buy a new jacket the salesperson should kindly remind you to cut the basting thread on the vents, right? That's like the nicest thing a salesperson can do, besides giving you a bigger discount than you deserve. I mean, you would want them to help you wear the latest fashion in the correct way, right? Why not help you prepare your purchase for the real world by pointing out the details that helped them sell the garment to you in the first place? It's just common courtesy!!

But why do the basting of the vents in the first place. Well, yes, it does help in shipping, but I also found out that it aids in tailoring and fitting the garmet to your personal dimentions. When you first put on a new jacket, close it (not button it) to a point where it skims your hips, i.e., very, very close, but not enough to pull or wrinkle. Check the distance between (center of the) lowest button and (inner end of) the corresponding button hole. The inbetween difference is the amount you want the jacket (hips and below) taken in. You can't do this properly unless the vents are stitched shut.

So maybe I should shut up about this now, because really, it's not that big a deal. But seriously, watch people's jacket vents, and see how many times this winter season you see where someone forgot to cut their basting stitch. You will be shocked at your findings, and hey, maybe you'll acquire a new pet peeve in the bargain!

Happy Holidays!