Trick or Treat....or just shave already!

I hate fast food, but these are the cutest babies ever!! Happy Halloween!

What I'm Listening To: Last Chance on the Stairway by Duran Duran

Halloween is NOT one of my favorite holidays. I hate trying to find a costume. I mean, every Halloween in college my costume was a 50s circle skirt, saddle shoes, a cardigan and then I'd carry around a book of poetry. And people would always be like "Betty Crocker?" and I'm like, "No, Sylvia Plath." Yeah, dressing as a tortured 50's poet who committed suicide by sticking her head in an oven is kinda like Betty Crocker...I guess. Trust me, I never got lucky on Halloween.

And the whole thing with women dressing as slutty as possible because just this once, they can get away with looking like Paris Hilton's prostitute cousin because hey, it's Halloween! I mean, really. It's like, just pick a profession and add the prefix "Slutty" to it, and there you go, instant Halloween costume. Slutty Nun! Slutty Firefighter! Or how about Slutty Pick n' Save cashier? Or Slutty Cell Phone Salesperson? Or my favorite, Slutty Grandma! Oh wait, that's a cougar, not a Halloween costume. Never mind!

I am psyched about handing out candy on Sunday for trick-or-treating, though. That's definitely one of the perks of owning a home vs. a condo. It's sooper cute when the Halloween candy collection time starts. Little kids and their first Halloween costume. Moms pushing strollers with the kid toddling along side them. Kids walking up to your door still stuffing candy into their mouths. Our Nascar-crazy neighbors and their front lawn installation of inflatable (and incredibly tacky) Halloween decorations. Halloween in the suburbs is awesome! Too bad our candy is gonna be totally disgusting -- well, at least to me and Jim. Our overriding sweet tooth forces us to buy the nastiest candy available so we don't dig into the stash before Halloween hand-outs starts this Sunday. Bit-o-honeys, anyone? Sorry!

But you know what's the worst? These "kids" who aren't kids anymore -- those TEENAGERS who put together some stupid outfit like, uh, a Packers jersey and say they're Aaron Rodgers or carry a skateboard and say they're a skateboarder as their costume -- and then have the nerve to hold out their pillowcase at our door like they still deserve some candy. That is just R-O-N-G, wrong! Man, give it up. Halloween is for the under-12 set. Not for kids with facial hair. No kidding!!

So this year Jim and I are going to buy a couple travel-sized deodorants and maybe even a box of tampons, and hand them out to these brazen little freaks. I cannot WAIT! Jim wanted to hand out Schick razors for the kids with the 5 o'clock shadows, but I was afraid we'd get a call from the cops about handing out razors that weren't even buried in an apple first. Geez, you gotta do everything for these kids nowadays! :)

What age did you stop trick-or-treating? Let's hope it was before high school, people. Happy Halloween!