The infinite appeal of the unexpected

What I'm Listening To: On Board by Friendly Fires

Finally Netflix delivered our DVD of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Can I be really honest? It was disappointing. Maybe because Shia La Beouf is a terrible actor. That's probably some of it. But I'm thinking it was more because I'm not 12 years old anymore and don't fall for all that adventure chase scene crap -- no, it's not suspenseful anymore, not after you've seen more movies than Leonard Maltin. Uh, trust me on that one. You're talking to the girl who had to go see Less Than Zero in the theater with her MOM. So I think we can safely say I've seen it all.

Anyway, every time there was a chase scene, a cutesy-poo kiss, a weird a-ha moment, or some scenario where you weren't sure what was going to happen, I would pause the movie, turn to Jim and say, "Now, what if Indiana Jones was just like, 'Awww, I give up. Just shoot me already!' to that Russian agent that was constantly chasing him. Or, after the Russians are shooting at Indy -- I mean, there's like 20 of them and one of him, and they MISSED EVERY SHOT! -- and they actually HIT him and he dies and then Karen Allen had to carry the rest of the movie? This film is sooooo predictable."

Hollywood is so predictable. And we as viewers suck it up and never complain, because that's what we want. The expected ending. The lovers kiss. The good guys win. The bad guys die. The chase scene is thrilling.

I guess what I'm saying is, wouldn't it be kinda cool if the UNEXPECTED outcome happened in a movie? And I would LOVE to see some avant-garde director make a new kind of film, a movie where this unexpected-ness was the basis of the whole thing. For example, what if they played super boring trance music during the chase scene? Or if the lovers hate each other not just in the beginning, but throughout the movie, and they don't get together -- at all? Or if the random machine gun shooting actually hits the star? Or if the love scene has a super hardcore metalhead soundtrack? Or if every single thing you EXPECT about a certain interaction on screen has the exact opposite result?

Yes, if that flick was ever made, now that would be the coolest movie ever. A movie full of total mind-bending twists. A movie that ends with a decomissioned hero. A movie that ends with people sobbing because Batman's dead, Superman is really just like you and me, and the romantically-estranged-yet-destined-to-be-together couple both end up with STDs.

Not that I'm a pessimist or a total misanthropist, mind you. Because I like a happy ending the same as the next person. Seriously!! But I'm so bored with all these recycled formulaic Hollywood movie plots and stories. When are we going to see some director or writer push the envelope with all the tools at their disposal -- photography, plot and soundtrack -- and show us that we as their faithful audience deserve better? We don't have to cry on cue when they strike up the Bette Midler song at the hospital bedside! We don't have to hide our eyes when the scary villian starts threatening the hero, you know? Let's have a movie where we can't practically recite the dialogue before the actor even opens their mouth!

I dare a director to make such a movie, one that doesn't pander to the almighty dollar, but just to their sense of adventure and especially to their sense of the unknown. Anyone? Uh, Quentin, put your hand down. Sorry. :)