Thanks, Nikki, for the awesome valentine!! Heart you!!What I'm Listening To: Emma's House by Field Mice
Hey! Sorry I'm late again. I was super sick starting Wednesday, etc. etc. Needless to say, I'm here for you, people. Relax!
Yay! It's Valentine's Day. Day of luuuurrrrve. All kinds of love. Like the kind of love on the front of the latest issue of Out magazine. Yes, we here at Casa Reagan get Out magazine, which is the premier hip and trendy gay men's magazine. (Well, I didn't see any naked ladies in it, so I think it's more geared towards the dick-swingers, seriously. Who does a whole fashion spread focused on Timberland boots...and deck chairs? Yeah, it's a dude magazine.)
Anywhoo, it's our second FREE issue, compliments of some forgetful friend of our home's previous gay tenant who must have ordered it for him as a gift but used his old address by mistake. Sorry dude, you missed him by like, I don't know, FOUR YEARS???
But it's not that we mind. Okay, I particularly don't mind one bit -- uh, what girl doesn't like glossy photos of strapping male models? Not me!! But today, as we ripped off the opaque plastic wrapping of the magazine (like I give a crap if Petey Pothead, our West Allis mailman, sees that we get Out! Might wake him up out of that stoner coma and stop delivering the neighbors' mail to us, right?) we were in for a shock.
Guess who was on the cover? ANDY SAMBERG!!!!
Yes, THAT Andy Samberg. The one on Saturday Night Live. The one who could be your best friend's brother. The one who could go either way on the "who's he gonna go home with" barometer. And my first thought was, "Andy Samberg is GAY!! That is so awesome!!! He's coming OUT!!!" Total excitement! Well, total excitement because frankly, I don't find Andy's brand of looks that attractive. Now, if you told me that Vincent D'Onofrio was gay, well, that's a total new blog. But Andy? I ain't gonna miss him. Buh-bye! The other team is calling!
So I'm ripping through the magazine trying to find the article where Andy announces that he and that MacGruber guy are really lovers, or that Lorne Michaels is really the head of the NYC Gay Mafia (oh, you know there is one, just like in Tales of the City. Who do you think makes all the big "What's In/What's Out" decisions in New York? Carrie Bradshaw? Puhleeese!) and finally I find the article, after like a million clothing and cologne ads featuring Jonathan Rhys Meyers (who IS that guy's agent? He's EVERYWHERE). And I scan through it super quick -- NOTHING! Andy is NOT gay. Sheesh. The article's just about his new movie and how he plays a gay guy who goes after het guys. Whatevs.
I'm so over this. Now what am I gonna do with myself? It figures it was a bait-n-switch. They've got Ellen on the cover of Ladies Home Journal this month, btw. Don't ask why we get that one. The cover has this teaser that says "We made Ellen cry!" like that's something to be proud of. You made a gay icon cry. Nice job. You can imagine my surprise at the lack of an "Ellen goes back in the closet" article in LHJ. But Ellen likes shilling wrinkle cream and mascara to all us unfortunates, that's for sure. Sheesh, isn't she rich enough? Oh well. :)
Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentines Day and gets all the lovin' that they richly deserve! You'd think with the plethora of Cialis and Viagra spam I get per hour it'd be Valentines Day every day at the Reagan house. Well, a lady never kisses and tells...okay, maybe next week, if you're good!
Happy V-Day!! :)
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