Nick and Norah are infinitely annoying.

What I'm Listening To: Signal and Sign by Maximo Park

Last night Netflix brought me the stupidest movie ever -- Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Go ahead and read all about it on Wikipedia, I don't really care. I just would like to share my observations with you, my adoring public.

I don't even know why I put this movie into my Netflix queue. Michael Cera should be my kryptonite I hate his acting so much. Superbad, Juno, whatever other lame films he's been in -- sorry, but it doesn't take a lot of talent to wear a zip-up hoodie in the prerequisite cool color of the moment, shuffle around, strum a guitar occassionally and mumble your lines. So whatever, Michael Cera. You're a dork.

And the film's supposedly awesome soundtrack that everyone raves about, peppered with cute little cameos by indie rockers and adorable C-list actors? All I heard was a toneless drone of jangly guitars in the background as I watched a bunch of barely talented nobodies mime their way through a forgettable plot. Where was the "touching coming-of-age adventure" that I'd been promised? Where was "the millennium's answer to Sixteen Candles"? Or just show me all these fabulous stylistic echos of American Graffiti? WTF. I just saw a boring music video posing as a movie, with one distinct message: "We are kewler than you, ya fossil!" And since I'm old enough to be the mom of the entire cast, I guess I better agree. Sheesh.

So on that note, this Mee-Maw-Maw would like to point out some of the more poignant scenes in this lovely film masterpiece where I paused the DVD, turned to my Pee-Paw, and said, "WTF!"

Not getting carded at any bar -- Supposedly Nick and Norah are seniors in high school, which means they have probably what, two, three years til they hit legal drinking age? And yet, the movie shows them repeatedly waltzing right into ANY bar in NYC without being carded. WTF! I'm sorry, but when I was a senior in high school, I had panic attacks about even getting carded at Bailey's, that all-ages alternative club over in Brookfield, much less trying to get into a real bar. And forget about going to see some random hipster band at a city club -- we were forced to make do with our high school loser band U4EA (featuring future TV anchorman Joel Kleefish, no kidding!) play in our school cafeteria. But hey, I'll suspend my belief for this movie.

Drunk-ass friends -- In my many years here on Planet Chug-a-lug, I have had my share of being the drunk-ass friend as well as having to take care of my drunk-ass friends as our fun and frolic wore on into the wee hours. But one thing isn't two things, if I had a drunk-ass friend wearing a really short dress and super high heels, I would NEVER just nonchalantly let her wander all over town til the sun comes up or until I found her, whichever came first. And I'm just talking about Milwaukee! In NYC? WTF. I wouldn't even leave my worst enemy alone in the Big Apple at night. That's just cruel! I don't care how many times you've fallen down, puked or whatever while having a big night out, that's just not right to leave anyone alone anywhere when they are completely in the bag. Yeah, not good.

Underwire bras -- Kat Dennings, who plays Norah, looks to be sporting some honkin' boobins in this film, and she's not doing them any fashion favors by hiding her sexy self under a big bulky cardigan. I think Norah took a sick day when they handed out "The Top Heavy Girl's Guide to Undergarments" (which I ghost wrote, btw!) because later on we find out that Norah's over-the-shoulder boulder holder of choice is a sports bra. WTF. Then when Nick's gay band buddies try to give her a "Nick's great, go for it!" pep talk in their van, one of the buddies starts digging in a box of women's bras and other female accoutrements that he just happens to have handy! He pulls out a red underwire bra, insists Norah puts it on, and voila! perfect fit and nice cleavage to boot! WTF. What gay man drives around with a box of ladies underwear in his car, much less tosses perfect-fitting bras at strange girls? No gay man in Milwaukee, that's for sure, or I'd have me a whole new bra wardrobe! Whoohoo! Also, if you have big boobs, there's no way you don't own at least one underwire bra. I am not going to suspend belief on that fact of life, ladies!

Electric Lady Studios -- Turns out that Kat is the daughter of the owner of Electric Lady music recording studios, where such greats as Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin and many other infamous bands recording their most enduring music. But Kat acts like this historic music studio, where legends where born, is no big deal, and frankly, she kinda gives the impression she thinks it's super boring and dated. WTF! I mean, half these narcissistic kids born in the 90s don't even remember Led Zeppelin. She'd probably get more excited if you told her Britney sang there once. Snort!

Used chewing gum -- One of the most disgusting running jokes in this movie is how they all pass around this nasty-ass chewing gum, from Norah's friend Caroline, to Norah, to Nick, etc. etc. This gum has been inside of more mouths than (fill in your own gutter thought here!). It's even been dropped into a puke-filled toilet, and then Caroline put it back in her mouth!! WTF. I almost puked myself just watching this running gag. Get it? Gag?! Ha! What, are these kids so poor that they can't afford to spit out old gum for a fresh piece? What is with over-chewed gum -- after 20 minutes it doesn't even taste good anymore!! I almost expected to see Willie Wonka pop out from behind a tree to scold these faux-Violet Beauregards about chomping gum like a cow! Where's an Oompa-Loompa when you need some comic relief, huh?

I guess after all that I can't really recommend this movie to anyone, unless you own a Yugo, hide out at some indie records store, are under the age of 20, or are in a NYC gay band with your video on YouTube. Kids these days! WTF! Well, gotta go eat my pretzels and watch Pretty in Pink for the 100th time. Or was that Legally Blonde? I keep forgetting!