Current events don't always involve celebrities -- but they should!

What I'm Listening To: Sun Hits the Sky by Supergrass

As most of my daily news comes from gossip sites and Star magazine, it's easy for me to ignore the world crashing down around me. And let's face it, though, a lot of weird stuff is transpiring right now. I'm talking about it all, from freaky flu epidemics, Milwaukee pension scandals, worldwide recession, failed financial institutions, mass unemployment, all the way to, hell, Jessica Simpson airbrushed to death on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine. (did you see that shit? Amazing!) And to top it all off, I know that you're just lying awake every night thinking to yourself (because who else would you think to, anyway, if not yourself?), "Hey! Why doesn't this blog ever give us a take on the hard topics? The topics everyone's talking about on the news? The ones that really hit home? What's your stand, man?" Snort!

Well, since everyone else is doing such a great job discussing the pro's and con's of America, I figured I'd give you a rest when you visited my blog. As you may have guessed if you've been following along at home, my blog's only pure and true mission is to make you laugh at my life's ignoble quirks and foibles. I'm not banging out 80 words a minute at the computer for a couple hours every week so I can bore you to tears with today's depressing headlines. But hey, if you really want to know what I think about current events, fine. Here goes nothing.

Swine Flu: Uh, we live in Milwaukee. I think there's like one confirmed flu case in Wisconsin, but the local news teams all act like we're all a bunch of friggin' flu zombies with these emergency headlines and school closings. Fact is, I don't have the swine flu. No one I know has it. And seriously, I've never seen one person who has swine flu -- not on TV, not on the street, not at work, not at the Pick n' Save, nowhere. I'm still riding the bus to my job every day and get this --I don't use hand sanitizer, so watch out!

Recession: I don't know what these people are talking about, recession. Doesn't that mean people aren't buying anything anymore, that a lot of people are unemployed, that businesses are closing, and basically people have less money in their pockets for the non-essentials like another tube of the same color lipstick that you have at home? (Side note: Over the last five years I find myself buying the same color lipstick over and over again, but they're all different brands. My weakness is this shade of sheer mauve that makes me look like I've just been kissed. Remind me to show you one of these things. Seriously, I have like 20 lipsticks, but they are all basically the same color. Sad.) In complete contradiction to this so-called recession, every time I drive by Mayfair Mall on a weekend, the parking lot is packed with cars. My one friend said maybe people are just hanging out at the mall and not spending any money. What. Ever! Like I don't know about you, but I have NEVER been able to "hang out" at the mall and NOT spend money. Good luck with that.

Twitter -- Twitter isn't actually a "current event", per se, but I just have to say..."tweeting" out what you're doing every second of the day to a bunch of your friends and "followers" sounds really tiresome. Who cares that I just blew my nose? Who cares that I'm waiting in line at the post office? Who cares that I have to do the laundry tonight? And if you DO care about me that much, hey, tell me about it! I heart texts! And by the way, if you want to get hooked on a really good music/social networking website, check out http://www.last.fm/. I heartily recommend it!

Facebook -- And continuing on that technology vein, did you know that the majority of Facebook members are baby boomers? Yes, that's probably why this memawmaw and her peepaw and now avid FB'rs. And while I may not be updating my status every twenty minutes like some people who will remain nameless (Joel!) I won't lie, I heart Facebook. I have found out more useless crap, seen more drunk photos and have been forced to complete more grammatically incorrect and misspelled quizzes than I ever have in my whole existence! Seriously, do you really care what Smith song I am? Or what 80s movie I loved the most? Or even what my top five favorite countries are? Well? Do you?? Admit it, yes you do!!

Well, that's my wrap-up on current events and technology for this day, Monday May 4th, 2009. Tune in next week for another self-indulgent blog about me, me and more me. Come on, you know you love me. XOXO!! (Yay! Tonight's a new episode of Gossip Girl! Enjoy!)