Sigh...once again 90s clothes were awful!

Okay, I'm kinda hidden behind my partner-in-party, Sarah. But you get the idea.

What I'm Listening To: Tall Boy by Har Mar Superstar

I know I’ve talked about this in the past, but god, 90s clothes sucked. I can’t believe what we considered fashionable clothing back then. And we actually left the house in these hideous outfits!!!

I just was talking with my hairdresser about my “go-to” outfit for going to The Cardinal, a dance club in Madison, back when I was college. Okay, you’re gonna love this.

My idea of a HAWT outfit to go to the club started with a snap-crotch dark heather grey stretch cotton bodysuit from J. Crew. It had long sleeves and a scoop neck. Okay, let’s stop here. A BODYSUIT? COME ON!!! That’s just R-O-N-G wrong. You are supposed to wear body suits UNDER stuff, but hey, not me!!!! And even though the sides of the top were starting to pill, and the scoop neck made me look like I had a monoboob, it didn’t matter. I was HAWT, people!!!!

Then I would wear a big baggy pair of men’s jeans from the Gap. All through high school and college I wore mens jeans, no lie. I think the final time I wore womens jeans was in like 8th grade. They were these super cute black pinstriped skinny jeans from Express with a zipper at the ankle. They were soooooo cute, but they made my feet look like surfboards. Oh well. Then I’d top this sexasaurus outfit off with a bulky black belt with a big silver buckle, and men’s black oxford shoes because my mom wouldn’t buy me a $100 pair of Doc Marten’s.

My only jewelry was a moonstone wrapped in wire along with a nasty silver celtic cross on a dog tags chain. No earrings. I think I was still wearing my high school class ring at this time, but not sure. I never did anything to style my hair – just let it air dry and just blow dried my bangs so they’d stay straight across my forehead. *rolls eyes*. It was hilarious.

Oh, and here’s a photo to get your morning started off right. Enjoy!

What effed up outfits did you wear in the 90s and thought were cute?

Ugly Ugly Ugly! The Clothes of the 90s

What I'm Listening To: Creeps Me Out by IMA Robot

Uh, I just want to start out by apologizing for not writing last week. It was my sister's wedding on Sat March 21, and so in honor of my sister's happy nuptials as well as a mea culpa for not writing, I've posted a picture of my sister in a classic 90's outfit. BTW, this was in front of my dorm room door at UW Madison. Gotta love that Charlatans poster! Whoohooo!

So last night I'm sitting having pizza with some friends after the free spa experience we had at some basement in Brookfield. Yeah, check it out at www.prettycity.com if you'd like. And like any group of women, we got to talking about clothes, and out comes this long drawn-out story about how that one time back in the day at Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Deb and some other teen-time store and they got a buttload of super cute clothes...all for under $100. Uh, did I mention that it was super cute stuff? They even got luggage, for cripe's sake!

Then the story segued into finding someone's high school graduation photos in the car, and what she was wearing, and how, because it was the 90's, it wasn't so cute. And how now there's all these super cute (stop counting how many times I've said super cute, 'kay?) stores like Deb and Forever 21 and H&M that totally WERE NOT AROUND when we older ladies were all in our 20's. ARRRRGH!

I just want to tell you a little bit about me in the 90's. Well, for one thing, I went through my 20s during this decade. Yes, my 20s, the years when my face was fresh and clear, the years when my ass was minuscule, the years of my glowing youth and beauty. Yeah, I forgot to mention, these were also the years when I thought it was OK to dress in men's clothing, pretty much all the time. I mean, this is the time when I actually thought a sexy club outfit was a pair of leggings, a HUGE chambray shirt that went to my knees, and topped off with men's brogues and a HUGE black blazer. I looked like a man who forgot his pants. And seriously, I thought this was a HAWT outfit. I remember, I wore it in San Francisco when I just got there, and we went to the cluuuub. I met this nice 30-year-old guy....and I was 24 at the time! Gosh, I was smokin'!!! Being SF, he was probably gay, though, and just thought I was a very femme-looking man. Oh well.

What pisses me off is that I feel like I WASTED my 20s -- my cutest years, mind you -- wearing the UGLIEST outfits ever. I just want to say for the record -- it wasn't just that 90s fashion was terrible. Because it was. We had no fashion role models during the 90s besides "Saved by the Bell - The College Years" and "Friends". Sorry, I know it's hard to believe, but I think that I owned one of the tops Screech had on during that show. I know, sad, right? And christ, I think I had more cardigans than Phoebe. No doubt! Combat boots and shorts, as my sister so elegantly demonstrates in the photo above, was the outfit du jour for the tragic hipster. At least in Madison, that is.

But it wasn't just the fashion black hole surrounding me at this difficult time. It was ME, and being 5'11" in a 5'2" world isn't always easy. I mean, I wore men's pants because, uh, it's the 90s people, and there was NO online shopping, so I couldn't find long pants for women anywhere except specialty stores where they charged $100 for some rayon jobbers with an elastic waistband. Yeah, uh, I don't think so. So I wore men's jeans and men's shoes (try finding a cute shoe in a size 12 in 1995...come on! I dare you!). One time, my roommate came home and she's like, "Do you have a man in your room?" and I'm all like, "Uh, no. It's my first month here. I should be so lucky!" and she's like, "Well then, whose shoes are those in the kitchen?" and I had to confess and tell her they were mine. So embarrassing, I must say.

So now it's almost the end of the first decade of the 21st century, and as far as the eye can see there are celebutards and barely talented rawk stars with their own clothing and perfume lines, and everyone and anyone has a cute outfit on!! Even prostitots like Miley and Co. have access to foxy clothes and fun shoes and accessories that I couldn't have even dreamed up when I was their age. Are they wearing men's shoes? I should think NOT! Are they thinking that a patched cardigan and a ragged t-shirt with a flannel tied around their waist is a cat-sound of a look? Um, they probably wouldn't even wear that to scrub out the toilet. Lucky dawgs.

I just sigh heavily when I think of all the dorky outfits I thought were hawt back in the day. Remind me to show you the photos if you're blue because you will LAUGH your ass off. So I'm making up for lost time and wearing all the cute outfits now! Except I won't wear anything above the knee or below the boobins. Is that bad? :)