What I'm Listening To: New York Girls by MorningwoodI think I have an Andy Samberg problem. Two posts in a month about this guy?? What is up with me?? Is the universe trying to send me a message about Andy and his curious brand of humor? What am I supposed to be learning here? I'll never know. And frankly, who cares? ha!
Andy Samberg is a ghey-wad. Well, if you were born before 1980 you know what I mean. :) I just got done watching his movie Hot Rod, which, I know, was released in 2007. But hey, I forgot about it, didn't ever get around to adding it to my Netflix list (for good reason, I might add). So recently I caught the end credits on Showtime, and next thing you know, I'm DVR'ing this birdseed to watch after work because Gossip Girl isn't gonna be back on until later in March. ARRRRRGGGH! Okay, enough about that.
Can I just say, ugh? I felt so sorry for everyone in that movie. And they have no excuses for how horrifyingly bad it was. The plot is hopelessly stupid and juvenile. I think that Evel Knievel is turning over in his grave right now. Enjoy my crib notes on the synopsis:
Andy Samberg is Rod Kimble, the world's worst stuntman and probably the only one that performs on a Moped. He has a couple of loyal friends (a bunch of rejects from SNL, surprise!!) who serve as his crew and a possible romance with girl-next-door, Denise (Isla Fisher). When Rod's hated step-father's life is dependent on an expensive (uh, $50,000 is expensive, people!) heart transplant, Kimble wants to perform the ultimate stunt to raise the money to save his life, just so he can have yet another chance (he has already had many)to beat the tough old guy (Ian McShane) in a fight and earn his respect -- because a stepfather's love is EARNED, not given. Gee, what a great lesson for kids of all ages!! And with Oscar winner Sissy Spacek in a small role as Rod's mother, mission is accomplished and belief is truly suspended. I hope Sissy at least got a good payday and some decent craft services out of the whole thing.
Uh, here's my verdict: SUCKED. I hated it. And that's coming from ME, the girl who LOVED The House Bunny for pete's sake. That's just sad. Throughout the whole movie, I'm having this heated internal debate:
"Turn it off, this is horrifying."
"No, maybe it will get better."
"OMG, he just played ANOTHER song by that awful hair metal band Europe on his tape player. That make three so far. Sad!"
"No, Andy is pretty good on SNL. Maybe it will get better."
And on and on. Needless to say, I watched the whole damn thing. I am truly ashamed.
I just wanna know how type of vanity project fare gets from its probable origin as a comedic stoner discussion between Andy and his friends while they plan another episode of "Laser Cats", to an actual movie in an actual theater. (Does Andy even smoke pot? Is pot even cool anymore? I don't know anything, seriously!!) I mean, kids are making movies all the time and uploading them to You Tube, so maybe making a film isn't that hard. But the production, nationwide distribution, DVD rights to Zimbabwe, stuff like that? That's a little more difficult, isn't it? That's why Ron Howard makes the big bucks and the blockbuster theater releases, and Joe the Dancing Groundhog is making 3 minute shorts on Hulu with suspenseful music that make you giggle.
How did Andy convince other sentient beings to make this ridiculous and assinine movie? Did he just say, hey, I'm Andy Samberg, and I thought up "Dick in a Box", so get outta my way while I make you some dough because people will watch anything these days? Is that how this always works with these SNL breakout stars? Did Will Ferrell wake up one day and say, sheesh, you know what this world needs? A movie about ANCHORMEN! A movie where I can stick all my friends (and not so friends, but who cares about them!) on film and we can have a grand ol' time on someone else's money? I hope not. That's effing scary.
Damn, I wish it was that easy! Give ME the money, whydoncha?!! I could make a movie too!! I have friends!! I have ideas!! People tell me I'm funny!! We could make a movie about the library! No one's done that before! I could make a movie about the seventeen levels of intellectual excitement that resides in each and every book. We could have crazy nutbag characters and all my friends and family could be in it. I could direct, and Irene's Catering could be craft services. My sister could make handbags to hold people's scripts! My husband could hang the lighting! My friends could order drinks and make rude bodily noises! The possibilities are endless!
Okay, so if you wanna be in a movie with me, let me know. I am casting on Craig's List. It's called "Library Library" and it's gonna all be shot at the West Allis Public Library, just as soon as I get them to lift their ban on cell phones. Damn, that's annoying. Join me in a making this wild romp through literary liabilities! It'll be fun. Yeah, I mean it!
Next week: I try to turn War and Peace into a funny SNL sketch comedy script, a la Amy Poehler. Get in on the ground floor as my producer and throw some money at me, okay, because it'll be a blockbuster, dammit!!!!
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