Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you!

I will have a blog post by this Friday....I swear. Things have just been a little hectic around Casa Reagan. I'll give you a hint...I think I'm going to write about MY BIRTHDAY!! Or my love of shopping...or maybe even both! :)

Stay tuned!

Love and other indoor sporting events...

Thanks, Nikki, for the awesome valentine!! Heart you!!

What I'm Listening To: Emma's House by Field Mice

Hey! Sorry I'm late again. I was super sick starting Wednesday, etc. etc. Needless to say, I'm here for you, people. Relax!

Yay! It's Valentine's Day. Day of luuuurrrrve. All kinds of love. Like the kind of love on the front of the latest issue of Out magazine. Yes, we here at Casa Reagan get Out magazine, which is the premier hip and trendy gay men's magazine. (Well, I didn't see any naked ladies in it, so I think it's more geared towards the dick-swingers, seriously. Who does a whole fashion spread focused on Timberland boots...and deck chairs? Yeah, it's a dude magazine.)

Anywhoo, it's our second FREE issue, compliments of some forgetful friend of our home's previous gay tenant who must have ordered it for him as a gift but used his old address by mistake. Sorry dude, you missed him by like, I don't know, FOUR YEARS???

But it's not that we mind. Okay, I particularly don't mind one bit -- uh, what girl doesn't like glossy photos of strapping male models? Not me!! But today, as we ripped off the opaque plastic wrapping of the magazine (like I give a crap if Petey Pothead, our West Allis mailman, sees that we get Out! Might wake him up out of that stoner coma and stop delivering the neighbors' mail to us, right?) we were in for a shock.

Guess who was on the cover? ANDY SAMBERG!!!!

Yes, THAT Andy Samberg. The one on Saturday Night Live. The one who could be your best friend's brother. The one who could go either way on the "who's he gonna go home with" barometer. And my first thought was, "Andy Samberg is GAY!! That is so awesome!!! He's coming OUT!!!" Total excitement! Well, total excitement because frankly, I don't find Andy's brand of looks that attractive. Now, if you told me that Vincent D'Onofrio was gay, well, that's a total new blog. But Andy? I ain't gonna miss him. Buh-bye! The other team is calling!

So I'm ripping through the magazine trying to find the article where Andy announces that he and that MacGruber guy are really lovers, or that Lorne Michaels is really the head of the NYC Gay Mafia (oh, you know there is one, just like in Tales of the City. Who do you think makes all the big "What's In/What's Out" decisions in New York? Carrie Bradshaw? Puhleeese!) and finally I find the article, after like a million clothing and cologne ads featuring Jonathan Rhys Meyers (who IS that guy's agent? He's EVERYWHERE). And I scan through it super quick -- NOTHING! Andy is NOT gay. Sheesh. The article's just about his new movie and how he plays a gay guy who goes after het guys. Whatevs.

I'm so over this. Now what am I gonna do with myself? It figures it was a bait-n-switch. They've got Ellen on the cover of Ladies Home Journal this month, btw. Don't ask why we get that one. The cover has this teaser that says "We made Ellen cry!" like that's something to be proud of. You made a gay icon cry. Nice job. You can imagine my surprise at the lack of an "Ellen goes back in the closet" article in LHJ. But Ellen likes shilling wrinkle cream and mascara to all us unfortunates, that's for sure. Sheesh, isn't she rich enough? Oh well. :)

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentines Day and gets all the lovin' that they richly deserve! You'd think with the plethora of Cialis and Viagra spam I get per hour it'd be Valentines Day every day at the Reagan house. Well, a lady never kisses and tells...okay, maybe next week, if you're good!

Happy V-Day!! :)

Bars, restaurants and the general notion of eating.

What I'm Listening To: Ninja of Love by Freezepop

Last night Jim and I actually went to see a play. This is an event in and of itself, because I really don't like live theater (Like there's a dead theater. ha ha!) Anyway, I wasn't disappointed with my decision to stay away from the bright lights, because the play was really bad. The material was dated, the set was boring and all I could think about as I sat on the world's hardest folding chair (next to the world's most coughing-est woman -- sheesh, stay home when you're sick, people!) was how I could have done a better acting job than the lead actress. I mean, who am I to say I'm a better actress than a woman who, according to her bio in the program, has "two kids, an adorable husband and one neurotic poodle"? Yeah, I'm totally outclassed. But enough about my missed opportunities as this year's Meryl Streep.

Before the play, we went to Yaffa's, a restaurant on Wells that's close to the theater, for free appetizers and drink specials, which was part of the ticket deal. Turns out Yaffa's is closing. I don't know if you've been to Yaffa's before, but it's like a Moroccan-themed restaurant with a great Middle Eastern-tinged menu. We've eaten at Yaffa's a couple times, and it was always tasty, even if the service was a little slow.

Yaffa served these decent if uninspired appetizers last night -- ribs, nachos, and hummus, basically. After two heaping plates of sticky ribs and messy nachos, we were starving for some sugar. And lucky for us, they had just put out some mega-donut holes doused in cinnamon sugar. We all had like three apiece. It was amazing, and of course, the sugar made me all giggly and slap-happy when we got to the theater. After making up three snort-filled songs about our fellow play attendees (uh, no one was under 60, btw) and their various outfits (Mildred, her muumuu and her urinary tract infection were featured predominately in a few of these tunes), I finally settled down to watch this sad tale of woe, love and tomfoolery.

Okay, so back to my original story. Uh, news flash people: As of the end of February, Yaffa's will be turned into a BREW PUB. (Click on the link to learn more) OMG, isn't that the most ORIGINAL IDEA EVER? It's not like there aren't 5 other brew pub/fish fry joints within a two mile radius of Yaffa's. Gee, where'd you get that idea???

You know, Milwaukee's restaurant selection is just boring as hell. I know we are in the middle of one of the worst economic periods in American history, but does that mean that we all just give in and start catering to the lowest common denominator in food? Does losing your job mean that you lose your taste buds, that all people want to eat anymore is a greasy hamburger and fries? I can STILL count on one hand the number of exotic eateries we have in town, and two of them are located in a strip mall. Jeeez, dullsville, hey? And that was BEFORE October.

So what's a nice West Alien to do, huh? When Jim and I decide to take a break from the soy burgers and steamed veggies, I want to have a gastronomic experience to remember for at least a week. A good hour or two of stuffing my gaping maw full of yummy food that's worth my money. I want delicious treats, great service and a nice place to eat it in. But noooooooooooo! I have yet to find the trifecta of restaurant perfection, the balance between price, service and food. It's either the price is too high and the food sucks, or the service is terrible but the food is fantastic, or worst of all, they're out of paper towels in the restroom. Come on, Milwaukee!

I'm sure someone's gonna read this and start reeling off all the fancy, fun, and tasty restaurants I haven't tried yet. Or tell me how great old standbys like Real Chili or Jimmy Johns is like manna from heaven to their parched lips...yeah, at 3 AM, maybe. Whatevs. I'm still on the lookout for "our restaurant", and we've gone to a lot of places around town. But ever since we started watching our waistlines we've stayed home more, so maybe I should just shut up now.

Well, I know you're going to tell me. What's your favorite restaurant, and why? And no offense, but if one more person tells me that they think that the Pasta Tree is the most romantic and awesome restaurant in Milwaukee, please don't waste your breath. I would rather eat a hot dog off the floor of that Judy's Red Hots on Locust than spend a dime at the Pasta Tree. Sorry. :)

PS - We're going to Old Town for Valentine's Day. So there! I heart Serbians!

Here comes the bride...

What I'm Listening To: All This Love by The Similou

(Just FYI -- Sorry this blog post is late. I promise to get back on track next week!)

Maybe this is weird, but lately my life has been all about weddings. Either my friends are getting engaged, getting married, planning a wedding or we're just celebrating another wedding milestone.

So the big wedding news is that my lovely sister is FINALLY getting married after being with her boyfriend Nathan for over 10 years. I know, right? Following in the Wolfe family tradition, she's having a civil ceremony followed by a splashy (and let's hope open bar) reception, just like Jim and I did four years ago. Being Hesper, it's a little, uh, I guess you could say, uh, artsy, what with the Sailor Jerry theme and all. I'm just hoping that the ceremony witnesses aren't forced to tattoo the happy couple's names on our arms or something to prove we were there. Sigh. Kidding, Hes!

I'm working on her bridal shower now. Not to give too much away, but you'd think my sister had a Pirates of the Caribbean obsession, what with all the skulls and crossbones and stuff. Arrgggh, mateys!! No parrots, mind you. That's a little out of my price range. And even though I wrote him a really impassioned email about how Hesper smooched her 21 Jump Street poster every night before going to bed all through middle school, I don't think Johnny Depp can make it. His agent said he was tied up with other engagements. Whateves! Nothing is too good for my sister!!

In other news two of my close friends are in the wedding works as well. Rita recently got married in Vegas to her longtime boyfriend Andy, whose sister Anne just got engaged to her boyfriend Dan while they were in Mexico in December. Anne is currently quite immersed in the always joyous wedding planning stage. This is the part where every woman asks herself pertinent questions like whether pistachio cake really is available in a four-tiered replica of Versailles, or what's wrong with a strapless ruffled and bedazzled bridesmaids dress in puce. Actually, these conversations start to sound reasonable after a couple drinks, trust me, I've been there. I'm sure Dan is in seventh heaven as Anne rhapsodizes about the wedding cocktail that they named the Dan-Anne-a Daiquiri, because bananas are truly the fruit of love, right, Dan? Dan, are you even listening anymore? :)

And Jim and I will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary this year, along with Jim's big 5-0 birthday. Yes, I remember our fabulous wedding reception, my silver satin dress, and Jim's cute tux. I remember how everyone told me I looked beautiful. I remember how everyone said it was the best reception they'd been to in a long time. But most of all I remember looking at the formal photos afterwards and thinking, "Oh my god, it's coming towards us!! Run! Run for your life before it eats everything!!" Yeah, I'm thinking that the weight loss needs its own celebration party, people. So stay tuned -- we'll think of something! :)

The Little Things: Here's a miniblog post for you. It's not long enough for its own entry so its gonna tag along on this one. I think of little blog-y stuff all the time. Like fish. I loooove fish. I love eating fish, I love fishing, but I don't love smelling fish. Fish! Think about it!

Until next time...happy nuptials!

Pretty Low Maintenance...I think.

What I'm Listening To: She by Sugarplum Fairy

This morning we woke up to a power outage. Usually when the power goes out at our house it happens for like a couple seconds, then it's back on. And usually we're not around when it happens. But this time, it went out at 5:45 AM and didn't come back on until 8 AM. Nice. Can I just say, you don't realize how much you rely on electricity til it's gone. Kinda like that boyfriend you were getting sick of but after he leaves you miss him like crazy. That's electricity for ya. Lucky for us we asked for a battery-powered lantern as one of our wedding registry gifts (yeah, I also asked for hot rollers, which I also got for our wedding. Not so good for power outages, but great for sexy wavy hair. Go figure!), so that thing came in pretty handy as we stumbled around in the dark waiting for WE Energies to get their act in gear.

We called into the WE Energies 800 number for power outages (thank you BlackBerry!!), where a nice recorded voice told us that they knew that our section of West Allis was without power, and we should expect it to come back on around 7 AM. Okay, thanks for nothing. Then we called work and left our various messages with our various work mates. Done. No power means no furnace, no hot water heater, no computer, no TV and no lights. So what's there left for a modern couple to do, you ask? "What did the pilgrims do without power?" I asked Jim. "Nothing fun," my husband replied. So we just went back to bed until the lights came back on at around 7:45 AM.

Power restored, the world looked a whole lot brighter. I wasn't stressing about getting to work before 9 AM. I mean, I'm the girl that can get ready on work days -- that means shower, clothing, hair, makeup, breakfast, coat on and out the door -- in 30 minutes flat. I don't know a lot of other women who can actually attest to being able to stick to such a strict time schedule in the morning. It's either their hair is high maintenance or they can't choose an outfit or they take a super long time in the shower or whatever.

And that brings me to the point of this blog today: Are you high-maintenance or low-maintenance? And what does that mean, anyway? Do you just let birdseed happen, and everything just rolls off your back? Or do you need very specific conditions to be in place every day and in every situation in order to feel okay?

Me, I think I'm pretty low-maintenance all around. I'm not fussy about much, except for smells. I have a very sensitive nose so I can smell the fact that you forgot the Arrid extra dry today, or how you didn't bother to wash that shirt before wearing it again, or the fresh onions that you had on your sandwich at lunch are now part of our conversation. But the more that I think about it, I guess I am kinda particular about where I'll go or what I'll eat or what I wear. Hmmm, so I'll have to think on that one some more.

So, are you the Sally in "When Harry Met Sally", the woman who think she's low maintenance when really she's high maintenance? Or are you just a finicky bitch and you don't care who knows it? Or are you the woman who wears jeans every day and thinks that putting on a shirt with buttons is dressing up? Or the one who wears four shades of eyeshadow and takes an hour every morning to blend them just right?

No matter who you are, I salute you. We all have our little idiosyncracies -- let's rejoice in them! And when your power comes back on, here's hoping you're already dressed and ready to go to work! :)

A whole new world!

What I'm Listening To: Weekender by Sohodolls

Some women have it easy. They have feet smaller than surfboards, they've never been asked "What's the weather like up there, Stretch?", their hair has never met a curling iron it didn't like, and best of all, they have cute boobs.

Yes, you read that right. Cute boobs. Not huge-ass boobasaurus tit-tastic knocker-licious jugs, just nice, regular, normal-sized boobs that fit in a nice normal-sized bra. They've never cringed when they had to whisper to ask the Victoria Secret saleslady if they stocked double D's. They never had to pass up the 80% off sale on bras because they knew there was no way that the rack could possibly have their mongo size. No matter what Hustler tells you, no matter how sexy those implants look on Nip/Tuck, no matter who tries to motorboat you at the club, I am telling you that having huge boobins is NOT FUN.

Now, I'm not saying that I have a second job as Melissa Mounds down at Silk (though that does sound fun, hey?), but I do think that I am more than qualified to speak about having larger than average boobs. Well, at least I did. After losing 30 lbs (yay!) I now have a more manageable cup size. It's not an A cup by any means, but it's smaller for sure. And you know what that means? More bra options!! Whoo hoooooo!! No more grandma bras from the planet Platex! No more 8 hooks in the back and 2-inch thick shoulder straps that make your boobs look so unappetizing that even your husband, the man who is stuck with you for life and has to have sex with you no matter what, is disgusted by the thing. So hell yes I am going shopping for some boulder holders!

When something is beyond your reality, you are stuck with your dreams. We tittywhompuses all have a dream bra that we can never own. For me, my fantasy bra was this Frederick's of Hollywood balconet dealie in forest green satin that had too much lace and only two hooks in the back. Of course the thing only goes up to 36C, so yeah, dare to dream.

In an effort to aim a little lower, I thought now's my chance to find the most elusive creature in Bra Land, the strapless bra that actually fits. With the bigger sizes, strapless bras are basically a scientific impossibility. It's like trying to fly an elephant. No bra can prop up two huge boobs in any natural manner without two fat shoulder straps to help out with the tonnage. So I had pretty much given up hope.

But now, well, I have to tell you, it happened. I found the golden ticket! I actually found a strapless bra that fits, and to top it all off, looks good on me. YAY!!! I bought it in black and beige, duh. And it has detachable straps too, so if I want a racer back or a halter bra style, I can add the straps and there you go!

For me, this is kinda like being told you couldn't walk and suddenly, like Sean on last night's Nip/Tuck, you can! It's a WHOLE NEW WORLD, people. And I am so excited, because I'm like a kid in a candy store! It's boggling my little mind just thinking about it. Halters! Tube tops! Off the shoulder! One shoulder! Teeny spaghetti straps! The list is endless, and I am ready. I cannot wait to get out there and shop myself silly!!

So if you are at Lela or Luci or Macy's or H&M and you hear some chick exclaiming "YESSSS!" at the top of her lungs from a dressing room, it's probably me trying on my 50th halter top and lovin' it! Wish me luck!

The Golden What? Another Movie Review.

What I'm Listening To: Tar Heart by Zeigeist

Remember a couple weeks ago? When it was the holidays? And I told you we were stuck in the house because nothing was open, everyone was busy with family stuff and it was awful snowy out? Yeah, well, we kept ourselves entertained by watching movies on DirecTV. Lots and lots of movies. Movies we would have never watched otherwise, like Definitely Maybe and (yes, I'm cringing too) Big Momma's House. What made this movie marathon even more fun is that I was kinda PMS'y, so I actually started tearing up a little when Martin apologized in front of the entire church and asked forgiveness for being a Big Momma impostor. That's just wrong.

One of the movies we watched was The Golden Compass. I'm not going to do a whole plot synopsis for you, so there's a link to the Wikipedia article so you can read the whole thing for yourself.). The movie is based on the three novel Dark Materials series by author Phillip Pullman.

We tuned in about a quarter of the way into the movie, but we were drawn in immediately. Daemons? Sassy blonde kids? Ice bears? And it's all set in a parallel universe similar to England? Sheesh, twist my arm, whydoncha?

And don't get me started about Nicole Kidman as Mrs. Coulter, the evil villianess. I read a lot of gossip blogs, and they all rag on her about how her forehead never moves because of all the Botox she uses and how could she have had her baby Sunday because 20 minutes after she was born Nicole was back at her size zero weight again and how Keith Urban is gay and how Nicole's a terrible mother because she never wants to visit her adopted kids with Tom Cruise in LA, etc etc.

But in this movie, I couldn't have cared if she had a unicorn horn and crossed eyes -- SHE IS A GODDESS. Her face, and this is in HD, people, is FLAWLESS. She is luminous. She looks unreal, skin like alabaster, bright blond hair, sky blue eyes, and just basically frighteningly perfect, like the undead or something. So perfect, I imagine when she farted on set it smelled like flowers. Seriously! And her outfits -- OMG! They are totally 40's inspired, and are just to die for (no pun intended! ha ha!). Her voice is super scary, too. Shiver!

Okay, I loved her, but just for this movie. Every other movie I've seen with her, she seems like she's half-dead or something -- she's always so flat. I can't believe how perfect she is here. I read that she turned down the role at first, and then Phillip Pullman wrote her a personal letter, and she relented and agreed to star. Good choice!

But of course I have to reference the whole "this movie is against Christianity" uproar that surrounded this movie, and pulled down the box office take. There's a lot to read on this debate, and you may or may not agree with all the ideas, accusations and interpretations of the book and the movie. So I'll sidestep this little nugget of excitement -- just read all the Wikipedia article links in the original film link above and form your own opinion. Either way, it'll make for a lively lunch discussion!

Basically, this movie is PG-13, so little kids probably won't be asking for a stuffed ice bear for their birthdays. It has a smidge of violence in it (I had to hide under my blanket a couple times. "Is it over yet, Jim?" I kept saying until he told me it was okay to look. ha!) It was just ... cool. I liked it. I cried a bit when the ice bears fought. I laughed at the antics of the daemons. Oh, I don't know, maybe it was the PMS, but I came away from this movie feeling better rather than worse. And that's always a good thing.

BTW, I looked for some plush ice bears on Amazon and EBay -- no such luck. Sad! If you see any, send me the link! And I'll keep an eye out for the sequel, too!