Sunday, September 28, 2008

You actually left the house? My First West Allis Bar Review

What I'm Listening To: Chase Me by Hexstatic

We were getting stir-crazy sitting around the house last night, so we decided to go out. Now, as I'm loathe to admit, it's tough scaring up people to go out with on short notice, so we just went by ourselves. Oh yeah, did I mention that we went at like 7 PM on a Saturday night? Yeah. We did.

Before you leave the house, obviously you have to decide where to go. We had talked about going to Bryant's, that retro-lounge that just reopened over in Bay View. But let me be totally honest with you, I just didn't have enough energy to deal with the pretentious granola crapola that makes up the Bay View bar scene. Oh, that, and I think that you have to dress up for Bryant's or something. I don't know, too much work for this lazy West Alien...ha ha!!

While we're on the subject of West Allis bars, let me tell you a little story about the first time Jim and I ventured out to find a neighborhood hangout. So we'd been living in our new house for a couple months, and we're like, "Hey, we drive past like 20 bars a day on our way home from the State Fair park-and-ride lot every night. We should find a cool bar that we can hang out at after work. The best part is that we won't have to drive there -- we could even WALK HOME. Whoo hoo!" So the search was on to find a cool West Allis bar to quench our thirst after work.

I'm super excited. I mean, everyone in Stallis seems so down to earth. So unpretentious, so fun. I don't have to get all dressed up anymore, because wearing pj's to the Pick n' Save is like wearing a tux to the opera around here. This is gonna be awesome!!!

Our first foray into this nightlife wonderland was a place called "Glen and Carla's Chat-a-while" which was right down the street from us on Becher. Okay, it was the name that got me. Oh, that and I was hoping for a glimpse of Glen. Or Carla. I was somewhat concerned about how we'd come across, so Jim's wearing a tshirt and jeans, and I'm wearing a tshirt and jeans. Nothing fancy. I'm thinking our outfits screamed "Townie!". No matter. We walk in on a Saturday night around 9 PM, and swear to god, every head in the place swivels to check us out. It was a tiny place, and they all glared at us, like we'd let sunlight into their little mold factory. Sheesh. Uh, I'm wearing the West Allis uniform, people. Maybe I should have worn my pj's?? WTF!

So we lumber over to this gorgeous old-fashioned wooden bar, and sat there. And sat there. And sat there. We're staring at these "commemorative" plates behind the bar, just mesmerized by the schlock. Okay, think of every patriotic cliche you know -- eagles, sobbing American Indians, purple mountain majesty, eagles, amber waves of grain, fluttering flags, stars and stripes, eagles, oh, did I mention eagles -- and then put it on a china plate and stick it up behind your bar. The only thing that was missing was George W. Bush standing there singing the national anthem on repeat. Oh, and propped up next to these glorious bits of Americana was a little hand-written sign that said "We sell Avon." Like that's what I'm thinking as I down my fifth Schlitz: "Cripes, I've run out of Avon's "Sexy Siren Red", wonder if they have any at Glen and Carla's".

Finally, after about 10 minutes -- I'm not kidding -- the bartender saunters over like she's never seen us before. "Oh, hey, you want a drink?" And there's where I made my first mistake. I asked for a vodka tonic and the bartender just smirked at me. "Third Ward asshole", she's thinking. Plain ol' Smirnoff's is fine, too. Drink comes, and of course, the tonic's completely flat, and there's no lime anywhere. Just my luck. Jim was smart, and asked for a Miller product...in a bottle.

FIRST RULE OF WEST ALLIS BARS: Don't order a drink that has more than 2 ingredients, or you'll get a dirty look, a flat drink, and probably both. If it comes in a single-serving bottle, it's a sure bet.

Here's how the rest of the night goes down. Drink my flat drink. Play the "Either-Or" game with Jim, which is good for about 15 minutes before we run out of candidates. Stare at the plates on the bar, which the bartender so kindly informs us are for sale. Yay. A cute shaggy dog comes into the bar, and starts sniffing our ankles. I lean over to pet the dog, and it scurries off like a furry cockroach. Throughout this entire hour-long ordeal we are completely and utterly ignored by the patrons, the dog, and, most of the time, the bartender.

SECOND RULE OF WEST ALLIS BARS: If you want to have a decent conversation, round up a couple people to come to the bar with you, more than just your spouse. Seriously. Because no one else will talk to you.

After about an hour of overwhelming excitement, we just left and walked home. I could tell you a couple more stories about other crappy neighborhood dive bars that we've investigated, but the story is the same every time. Walk in, get the hairy eyeball, look around at the dim lighting and the blaring sporting event on the TV, drink one drink, get thoroughly ignored. Needless to say, I'm not too keen on West Allis hospitality.

So after the past birdseed experiences, it was a tough decision to go to this place over on S. 88th and Greenfield...the Lil Downtown Lounge.

We'd read about this new place online and hey, from the pictures it looked pretty interesting. But right off the bat, Jim and I failed the one rule of going out: We arrived at our destination before 10 PM. Actually, we arrived at like 7 PM. And, duh, what do you think the bar was like? DEAD. Completely empty. But we were so antsy we had to get out, so we sat down and had drinks with Sam, the owner (well, at least that's what his picture says in the online article about the place).

We had two beers apiece and just sat there on our barstools and listened to the oldies radio station. I mean, the bar's decorated a la TJ Maxx furniture department (no, I'm serious. Some of those fake plants looked awfully familiar to me, the girl who haunts the discount stores for interior decorating assistance) and dark red walls, with a bar neon-lit from underneath. How can I accurately give you a vibe for this place when we were the only people there? So, we stayed til 8:30 PM and headed out. Maybe we'll go back at a later date, and definitely at a later time.

Maybe if I'm up to it, we'll review some more West Allis bars for you. For now, you're just going to have to experience it on your own. Good luck with that!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Movie Review: The Lookout

What I'm Listening To: Not So Blue by Quantic

Did you already know that we are Netflix subscribers? Yeah, it kinda makes sense, with all my gripes about seeing movies in actual theaters. So we signed up for Netflix back in 2003 and I can put in requests for movies before they get released on DVD and then we don't have to bother with the $9 ticket fees, or driving to the theater, or having to sit through something that sucks simply because we feel guilty about all the time and effort we've already spent on getting to the stupid place to begin with.

Anywhoo, I think we caught the tailend of this movie "The Lookout" one time on HBO --don't get me started on my other rant of "we have 2 kabillion DirecTV channels and there's NEVER anything on!!" -- so I requested it through Netflix and whaddaya know, here it is. I think we got it because of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who was in "Third Rock From the Sun" as a kid, and was super cute. Oh, that and I've seen a couple other movies he's been in -- always slightly disturbing roles, always indie pictures -- and I guess I think of him as a better actor that many of his similarily-aged brethern out there.

Okay, this was a good SERIOUS dramatic movie, and here's some of my criteria on what makes a good serious dramatic movie -- not like The House Bunny, where the only criteria is I have to laugh out loud, really loud, at least 4 times.

ONE -- it made sense. There were no loose ends, it flowed and I could follow the plot along. Where the plot wasn't clear, it was later cleared up in a simple manner. Nothing weird, very straightforward. I wasn't like "huh, how'd that guy make it out of that exploding Volkswagen", more like "wow, that was a good wrap-up of the family's story line by using that old deer's head on the barstool, you know?" Not that that situation happened in this movie, you know, with a deer's head, but, uh, you get my drift.

TWO -- the acting was really good, even thought I was kinda like, why did they pick such good-looking people for KANSAS, for crying out loud! Well, it wasn't that they were bad actors -- I wasn't rolling my eyes with how wooden everyone looked or sounded. I mean, the Dumb and Dumber guy playing a blind man? Genius! Isla Fisher playing an exotic dancer, though? Not such genius -- because she's too damn good-looking, people!! I guess I thought that if you're going to try to convince us that a bunch of Kansas corn-dorks and stripper chicks are going to rob a bank, I think you'd have an easier time of it if they looked like cross-eyed meth heads....kinda like REAL Kansas people. I'm not judging -- hell, we've got more than enough of these examples in my own neighborhood alone -- you're welcome to come on down so I can point them out for you!

THREE -- I actually gave a shit about what was going to happen to cutie Chris Pratt, the main character. I wanted to see what he would do in this psychotic situation. That's pretty rare for me. I mean, I've seen more movies that I care to admit (shut up, Mike!) so feel like I know every plot twist, happy ending and freaky storyline out there. Just once I would like to see an UNHAPPY ending, right? But this movie was interesting and I kept watching, which may not sound like much, but is a monumental feat for me. Usually during movies I'm the one sawing logs on the couch -- ask Jim!

By now you're thinking, what was this movie about, anyway? Well, here's the link to Wikipedia
so you can read about it for yourself. I won't bore you with my interpretation of it, seriously. But I give it a solid A-/B+. Not giving it an A just yet...maybe I need to watch it again.

Seen any good SERIOUS movies?

PS: We also started watching that "Reservation Road" movie about the hit-and-run accident, Joaquin Phoenix, Mark Ruffalo, etc.? Maybe you've heard of it? Yeah, waaaaay too much crying and carrying on, and this is in the first 15 minutes, mind you. I mean, Joaquin Phoenix in a beard, well, I can look past that tiny problem. But Elle Fanning scream-sobbing and family freakouts? No, sorry, too much emotional chaos. I'll just watch "Legally Blonde" again, thank you very much. At least the only reason people cried in that one is when they broke a nail.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

My Achin' Dogs

What I'm Listening To: Since We Last Spoke by RJD2

I spent all day today running around, and my feet are killing me. You're probably like, yeah, so? But my feet are SPECIAL feet. I have PROBLEM feet. I mean, if they had feet psychiatrists, my feet would have one. I have numerous feet ailments -- you name it, I have it -- so every day is another valiant effort by me to get through the day wearing a cute shoe that provides a minimal amount of pain. It's an uphill battle, but hey, I have over 40 pairs of shoes, so you can bet I'm gonna win this war, 'kay? :)

Work today consisted of me running around pell-mell fighting a bunch of fires and generally trying to get a lot done in a tiny bit of time. (don't you just love that saying? Pell mell. My mom used to smoke Pall Malls, by the way. UGH!! Then she quit and started chewing gum like a maniac, and then...Oops, sorry, getting off topic). I got to work at 6:45 this morning, and I didn't leave until 5:30 PM. Yeah, shut it. It WAS a long day...to me.

To top it all off, I knew I would be on my feet all day today, and I wore HEELS. Not flats, the sensible shoe choice. Not tennis shoes, which might have been an even smarter bet. No, I decided that heels would work. NOT! So by the end of today I was in such an incredible amount of foot pain that I was tip-toe-ing around like a drunken geisha, hobbling to my car (which was parked like a MILE away from the door, sob!) and half-crying as I limped down the sidewalk.

Oh, and did I tell you that partway through my day I noticed that one of the rubber tips on one of my heels had COME OFF? So I was walking kinda lopsided all day, like Marilyn Monroe. Did you know that Marilyn Monroe would shorten one of her high heels in an effort to get her signature wiggle in her walk? Yes. Well, I was WIGGLING alright, but it was not sexy in the slightest. I'm sure it was as painful to watch as it was for me to wear those shoes.

Then, when I got home and finally took of the shoes of torture, my feet decided that now would be a great time to cramp up on me. It was fabulous. Thank god my husband rubbed my feet -- and we had ice cream in the fridge to soothe the pain away -- or I would have gone seriously postal on someone.

Well, I could chalk it up to no pain, no gain. But I'm sure I could have looked just as cute in flats. Oh well. But I'll tell you one thing that isn't two things: I am keeping a pair of sneakers in the car for the next Runaround Sue day.

What's your favorite "God my shoes are cute as hell, but they are KILLING me!" story? I have more, so don't get me started!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I'm not kidding, I loved "The House Bunny"

What I'm Listening To: Hello Seattle by Owl City

Jim had all this week off, and I had Friday off, so on Thursday night we decided to go to the movies.

First off, I'd like to tell you why I hate commercial theaters. (Not like there are any other kind, mind you.) You can't pause the movie to go pee or get more snacks or to make snarky comments to your fellow viewers. You can't turn around to tell that loud-ass behind you to STFU, because that would be rude. You can't EVER get comfortable in those freakin' seats if you are over 5'5". Seriously. So as you can imagine, Jim and I rarely go to see a movie in theater unless it's like Batman or Transformers or Indiana Jones or some other rock-'em sock-'em genre movie that wouldn't be done justice on our dinky TV set at home.

So it's kinda weird when we decided to go to the movie theater at Mayfair. I called Jim that afternoon from work, and I'm like, "What movie do you want to see?" and I'm thinking he's gonna say Bankock Dangerous or Pineapple Express or some other dude-ish type movie. But being my soulmate, Jim says "House Bunny". I'm not kidding. I love my husband. He is like so awesome!!

So we go to the theater super-ass early, because that's how I roll - PROMPT! Duh, it's totally dead on a Thursday night. It's $9 a ticket, people. That's freakin' ridiculous, to start. And Jim gets us some popcorn and a couple waters, which are also too expensive for words. And we walk down to theater 18, which is waaaaay at the end of the hallway. But bonus, leather seats, and little desks. Very posh.

We do okay on the comfort side in this layout, and snuggle up to the popcorn, which is gone before the previews even end, no kidding. We are just like that. We are also the only couple in the theater, but three seconds before the movie starts, this other couple comes in. Sigh. I don't care, I am still laughing super loud at all the funny bits. And that brings me to the movie.

Anna Faris is a comic genius. I have seen a couple of films of hers and she is high -- and I do mean HIGH, because one of her films was basically her acting like a total stoner for two hours -- larious. She has some great lines in this movie, one of which referred to penis cookies, which I almost choked I laughed so hard. I don't want to ruin it for you, but I have to give this movie like 5 stars, at least in my opinion.

Let me temper my outstanding movie review for you a little here, before you think I'm nuts. I thought the following movies were also hilarious: Sorority Boys, The Hot Chick, Dumb and Dumberer (the "pre-quel"), and Malibu's Most Wanted. So I just wanted to give you a taste of my movie sense of humor. BTW, I HATED There's Something About Mary. That movie was stoooopid.

So let me know what you think of The House Bunny. Hey, if you don't like it, too bad! :)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Please don't Google me...I'm begging you.

What I'm Listening to: 7/4 (Shoreline) by Broken Social Scene

Please don't Google me. I'm telling you there's nothing out there. I hear it all the time on TV when we're talking about finding out the dirt on someone, "Oh, I just Googled them." And I'm sure all the rocket scientists are just begging you to Google them, so they can brag about how they solved Nuclear Hypothesis #1574.42 after they drank like two 40's and scarfed down a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. But me? Nothing. Oh, I think I wrote something for some local rag back in the 90s. But that's it. So quit now, for real. Honestly, I am the BORINGEST person on the face of this planet.

But of course, I have Googled myself. And let me tell you what I learned: Abigail is like the most popular name in the universe right now. Jesus, everybody and their grandma is named Abigail. It's annoying. Okay, when I was growing up in the 80s, I swear NOBODY had my name. Not Abigail, not Abby, not Abi, nothing. And since no other girls my age were named Abigail, that means little ol' 8-year-old me didn't get any rolls of stickers or cute little pink bicycle license plate or sassy sparkly pencils or ANYTHING CUTE with her name on them like all the other little girls did. So after a while you kinda get this complex like, "hey, my name is so dumb that no one even wants it on their sparkly pencil." At 8 years old, I was so overwhelmed that I almost considered changing my name to something common like Lisa or Michelle, just so I could get some crappy name stuff of my own. Sigh.

But now? Sheesh! I was in an airport a while back and I'm looking at the crappy geegaws in some shabby gift shop and what do I find? A KEYCHAIN with a plastic neon green flip flop on it. And what did the ugliest flip flop in the world say on it? ABIGAIL. So, hell yes I bought that sucker right there! I still have it. It is AWESOME. I am so happy with my fugly flip flop keychain, 'cause now I'm like all the other girls! YAYAYAY! I am now on the lookout for the ugliest souvenier I can find with my full name on it. Keep an eye out for me, 'kay?

PS: Uh, yeah. I did notice that my "A is for Abigail" book image at the top of this blog was a book written by Lynn Cheney. And it's just the rotten icing on my cake of pity, people. Ugh.

PPS: Uh, even my fave site Jezebel.com is running out of blog ideas...bc they're stealing mine! :) Check it out!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Ah, the sweet smell of being a girl!

What I'm Listening to: Her by Kissy Sell Out

Today I ran out of my "everyday" perfume. I actually had to go outside with NO PERFUME on. Sad. To me, that's basically like going out without my wedding ring on.

Back when I lived in San Francisco, I used to wear orange blossom fragrance oil. I had it in this little rollerball dispenser thingie, and I wore it every single day. I wore it to work, to the bar, to dinner, on the weekends...truly my signature scent. I wore that perfume for the entire five years I was in SF, and kept wearing it for about three years after I moved back to Milwaukee. Then I just got sick of it. Oh, that and the scent started to smell differently to me so some reason. So the quest was on to find a new everyday "Abigail" perfume.

I experimented with a lot of different scents. Lavender, pikake, amber, a couple different variations on the orange blossom theme, smoky patchouli, the list goes on. At first I tried to stick to oils, because they seemed to last the longest and were the strongest scents. But after a while I got experimental, and stepped outside my comfort zone into actual real perfumes. You know, perfumes with names like Prada, Chanel, Bath and Body Works...ha.

So in my quest to find another "signature" scent that I could wear every day, I wore Lulu Guinness' "Cast a Spell" (too fruity) for a bit, then Hard Candy's new one (my sister who teaches high school took a whiff of that one and said, "oh, so that's the perfume my kids are wearing now") and Philosophy's "Falling in Love" (also kinda sweet) and then some Victoria's Secret crap that smelled like a cotton candy factory exploded on me. As you can see, I have a little bit of a sweet tooth.

Needless to say, I am still looking for MY everyday perfume. I don't have that many criteria, really! I want a perfume that's fresh and clean (like clean laundry) but not too soapy, citrus-y but doesn't smell like Pledge, sweet but not like sugar-y Paris Hilton-y stank, sexy and smoky but not too x-rated and dark for work, and to top it all off, doesn't wear off after an hour. Oh, and did I mention I want to fall back in love with the smell of my new perfume every time I get a whiff? Oh, also, NO ONE else can wear it. It has to be my signature scent. So I can't just go buy a flask of Chanel's "Coco Madamoiselle" and call it a day -- even though that would be great-- because that's too easy. Duh.

I should just buy a bottle of Britney's "Curious" and STFU, hey? :) If you have any perfume suggestions for me, just let me know. BTW, I wear "Chanel No. 5" as my going-out perfume. And since I have been going out A LOT lately, maybe I should just wear it all the time! Chua.

What's your favorite perfume? Why did you choose it? And why do you keep wearing it?

PS: I love the blog "Now Smell This" -- a blogger after my own heart...and nose!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Summer is over...sigh.

What I'm Listening to: Breathe by Telepopmusik

Summer is over, sigh. I will miss it. But hey, I love sweater weather! :) And changing leaves. But not raking them. That is a Jim job. LOL.

Even if the weather barely made it above 85 for 3 months straight, Jim and I spent a lot of time on the bike trails this summer -- Interurban, Glacial Drumlin, but especially the New Berlin trail. Seriously, if I have to bike past that god-awful cemetary one more time, I'm going to dig my own grave. Tiresome. But we stayed in shape, and haven't gained any weight back! Yay! And I got a nice tan line right across the middle of my thighs from my biking shorts. Love to bike, but I keep forgetting to put sunscreen on my knees. ha!

We went on a lot of walks around our neighborhood and saw all the beauty of Stallis. Also, remind me to tell you the story about how we got to watch our neighbor get tasered in his own driveway at 3 AM a couple weeks ago! Fun!

Hmm, what else? We bought a new grill. It works great! We made lots of yummy stuff, but I liked the grilled tuna the best. We had tuna nicoise salads...twice. They were delicious.

I got a data plan for my crappy cell phone, but it turned out that I'd rather not read my email on a screen the size of a business card. So I think I'm going to scrap it.

Oh, and I just got a new computer. Whoohoo!

We saw the Batman movie in the theater. We were sadly disappointed, but Heath Ledger was great.

We went to Door County for a weekend and saw my uncle and my cousins, and my sister and her fiance joined us as well. I wore a swimsuit, which I haven't done in like 10 years and I'm not kidding. Jim wore his new swimsuit too. He looked hawt, duh.

We went to Renaissance Faire. I am definitely going every year, no kidding.

I had my tarot cards read, and my palm read. Nothing earth-shattering either way.

I'll be honest with you, I am just happy that September is here and that the new season of GOSSIP GIRL has started. Did you see the season premiere on Monday? OMG. Two words...CHUCK BASS. When I have to hide my eyes during the touching love scenes between Chuck and Blair, that is teen television at its finest. Ah, keep it coming! I am addicted!

What excitement did you have this summer? And what are you looking forward for this fall?